Depression and Baking don’t always mix

So, I’ve been fighting an uphill battle with depression and anxiety for the better part of half my life. I have an incredibly hard time coming up with enough energy to last me through the day, let alone having to find the extra energy needed to do my baking projects!

Baking and cooking have always been something I’ve LOVED doing! Tell me you’re throwing a party? Guess who is logging onto Pinterest to find something new to bake! Em’s got a class project, and I want to bake some treats for the kids in her class!

Over the last month or two, I’ve really  gotten into it. I put myself back in the whole a little by purchasing tools/equipment that probably could have waited.

I can blame part of that on my depression, and part of that on not being on my meds for a month thanks to an insurance fuck up. Then again, I’ve always had an issue with spending money I don’t have, and for some reason, it’s always been on things FOOD related!

This month, I decided I was going to do all these new baking projects (I must have been having a “GOOD” day that day!). Here’s how they all went!:

A few days before the end of teacher appreciation week (I did not know this was in may!) I decided I wanted to make iced sugar cookies for Em’s two teachers. Made the cookies one night, but couldn’t muster up the energy to ice them

 The next day, After work, made the icing,  but was too drained from working my 9-5 that I unfortunately said “screw it” and decided I was ok with giving them their cookies the Monday after TAW ended. Well, Saturday or Sunday reared its ugly head around and I still hadn’t done it (Emmas tball and soccer adventures had drained me, and it was about the time I start getting pissy thanks to PMS). I did manage to get SOME of them iced, well… kind of.  Phil was Having a shitty day at work, so I decided I was going to cook him dinner at his house and finish icing them there. That didn’t pan out, and a week later… I still haven’t done anything else with their cookies and they still haven’t been given a gift! (This is how far I got before I decided to “finish them at phils”):

Next project:

Em is learning about bugs this month, so I’ve been back and forth, trying to decide if I want to do cookies or cupcakes. I decided on cookies (as of last week… keep reading), but once more, icing got to be too much work to do the same day as the cookie making, cutting and baking, and I finished the day with this:

 They’re singing the “furry little caterpillar” song, so I thought these were appropriate.

Last week, I was given the task of being SNACK MOM for t-ball (I was given 2 days notice). I hoped on Pinterest, and this was the ONLY THING I didn’t half-ass or fail to complete! I can’t just do fruit snacks and juice, that’s too easy! I ended up going all out as per the usual!:

 I made rice krispy treats, shaped and decorated like baseballs, and then included string cheese, a fruit cup, and a Gatorade. Of course, wouldn’t you know it, chicago decided it would be appropriate to DOWN POUR the day of her game, causing it to get cancelled. All that rushing for nothing!

Back to the bug cookies, I had energy to start icing them, but thanks to depression and my PMS symptoms, I quickly got pissed, agitated and overwhelmed! I have a pretty small kitchen, so it’s hard to make a bunch of colors and decorate at the same time. Needless to say, I quit. And only got this far:

 Now I have 2 Tupperware containers of cookies that seem to taste ok still, but I’m discouraged and don’t want to do them anymore!

This weekend, or next weekend, I’m thinking of making cupcakes with fondant little ladybugs for decoration.

Maybe I’ll get around to the chocolate chip banana bread my sister has been craving too! Who knows! The one and only thing I do know, is I’m not going to let depression take this from me. Baking is the only thing that I find solace in doing/completing, that is for my own gratification and no one else’s.